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Mired in irreparable relationships

Aside from the Vatican, the Philippines is the only country in the world that does not allow residents to divorce
Mired in irreparable relationships

Filipino couples who find themselves in irreparable relationships find it difficult to separate due to long and costly legal procedures. A bill has recently been filed in the Philippine Congress aimed at legalizing divorce. (Photo by Mark Saludes)

Published: August 28, 2019 03:26 AM GMT
Updated: August 28, 2019 03:40 AM GMT

Isabela was raised as a conservative woman from a traditional Filipino Catholic family who fell in love unexpectedly.

When her boyfriend brought her to the altar and promised to take her as his wife "for better or worse" until the end of days, she was overjoyed.

Isabela, however, said the "happily-ever-after thing" was elusive even during the first year of their marriage. They would fight over petty things that resulted in violence.

"He choked me," she said. The isolated quarrels became frequent, resulting in bruises, cuts and trauma.

Isabela never said anything to anyone. "I tried to save the marriage for our child," she said.

Things got worse as the years passed. She was beaten, kicked and even doused with boiling water.

She decided to break the knot and leave the man who she said made her "feel less than human." Isabela wanted to have a “second chance" but the law prevented her "moving on."

Divorce as a solution

Women's group Gabriela blames the absence of a law that allows the dissolution of marriage from giving women like Isabela a second chance.

Joms Salvador, the group’s secretary-general, said victims of domestic violence can only move on "if we allow the dissolution of a marriage."

"It is time to give those in abusive and irreparable marriages the option to divorce," she said, adding that divorce "will set men and women trapped in an irreconcilable relationship free."

In March 2018, the House of Representatives passed a bill that aimed to legalize divorce in the Philippines, but the Senate shot it down.

Senator Risa Hontiveros, however, has introduced a new divorce bill, which includes physical violence and "grossly abusive conduct" among the proposed grounds for allowing a dissolution.

The legislator said the absence of a divorce law in the Philippines "has had disproportionate effects on women who are more often victims of abuse within marriage."

A 2017 survey by pollster Social Weather Stations revealed that 53 percent of Filipinos support legalizing divorce.

Church leaders speak

Catholic Church leaders, however, have been vocal in their opposition to divorce. They maintain that the state must "strengthen marriage not break it."

They said a divorce law will only create more problems because couples who have marital disputes will not exhaust every possible way to address them.

Aside from the Vatican, the Philippines is the only country in the world that does not allow its residents to divorce, although Filipino Muslims do have that right.

"The indissolubility of marriage is a dogma of the Church," said Bishop Arturo Bastes of Sorsogon. "There are ways to solve marital problems other than divorce," he said.

Manila Auxiliary Bishop Broderick Pabillo said there are other "remedies" to get out of an abusive relationship. "We cannot make laws and normalize exceptional or abnormal situations," he said.

The prelate said that anyone "can always point out extreme cases to support any piece of legislation ... but will this strengthen marriage as an institution?"

Bishop Roberto Mallari of San Jose said couples must "go through therapeutic sessions to change tendencies that are destructive in nature and do not help enhance a marital relationship."

The prelate said victims of domestic violence, especially women, should "not allow their partners to treat them as subjects and objects in a relationship."

Bishop Mallari said legal separation "is the easiest option" if both parties do not acknowledge the need to work things out through therapy or counseling.

Canonical process

The Catholic Church says it has its own procedures that are cheaper and faster than available remedies in court.

"Canonical processes are available," said Bishop Bastes. He added, however, that it can only be availed if a marriage is not valid from the very start.

The reasons for an annulment of marriage include "psychological incapacity" of any party to the marriage and fraud, among others.

"If there is no other way to reconcile, or if they have already exhausted all avenues to fix the marriage, but it still does not work, then it is time to proceed with a trial," said Violy Santos, matrimonial tribunal secretary of Tuguegarao Archdiocese.

In 2015, Pope Francis issued the "Mitis ludex Dominus Iesus" or the Amendment of the Canonical Procedure for the Causes on the Declaration of Nullity of Marriages in the Code of Canon Law.

The amendment was a response to calls for a simplified procedure for the declaration of a nullity of marriage. The reforms include the elimination of an automatic review by an appellate tribunal.

In July 2019, the Philippine Congress filed a bill that sought to recognize the civil effect of the nullity of marriages solemnized under the laws of the Catholic Church.

The proponents of the bill cited Pope Francis’ "significant reforms" in the canonical procedure in marriage nullity cases that streamlined many of the steps.

A 'middle class' issue

Benedictine Sister Mary John Mananzan, known for her advocacy for women's rights, said that while she understands and respects women who favor the passage of a divorce bill, she thinks divorce is a "middle class issue."

Filipinos with "irreconcilable relationships" have options to get out of marriage, such as legal separation and annulment of marriage.

An annulment of marriage in Philippine courts can, however, cost each party up to US$3,000 and will take years to process. The process of legal separation takes longer.

In poor communities, the only way out for couples with irreconcilable marital problems is to physically separate.

Romeo Sendon, a 54-year-old taxi driver, said he is not thinking of getting an annulment or a divorce after 14 years of being separated "because I don’t need it."

He said divorce is only for the rich who can afford to file a petition, people who have conjugal properties to split, and people who have money to remarry.

"Why should I bother if I and my new partner can live as common-law husband and wife," said Sendon. "After all, my children bear my name." 

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