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India's online cupids: A challenging option for Christian singles

Church groups run several 'matchmaking' websites in Kerala but the state still has high divorce rates
India's online cupids: A challenging option for Christian singles

A billboard for the church-managed chavaramatrimony.com matchmaking services in Kerala. Such web services have mushroomed in many parts of India, where arranged-marriages are the norm. (Photo by Thomas Joseph)

Published: May 23, 2017 03:44 AM GMT
Updated: May 23, 2017 06:30 AM GMT

Marriages they say are made in heaven and in India Catholic groups are endeavoring to heaven's work easier. 

Before the advent of the internet, families depended on relatives, friends or "marriage brokers" to find the right "marriage alliance." Arranged marriages were vetted to be socially and financially acceptable to both families.

Arranged marriages — arranged by someone other than the couple getting wedded — seems to be the only available choice for boys and girls. It is not uncommon for spinsters and bachelors to not know their spouse-to-be too well. Such marriages are traditional in South Asia, accounting for a majority of marriages.

The attitude of seeing marriage as family-accepting-family has not changed even after the explosion of communication technology but society has adapted technology to suit its needs, said Father Roby Kanananchira, who heads Chavara Cultural Center in Kochi, Kerala.

Hundreds of websites across India offer matchmaking facilities for a fee. They try to match people based on religion, caste, education and economic status apart from personal preferences like color, height or food habits.

Those looking for a partner need only register with a website and pay a registration fee. The website will match the person with acceptable candidates, showing their photo and giving a contact channel. Even a casual visitor can search for people available for marriage.

Father Kanananchira said online matchmaking offers a wide choice and cuts embarrassing rituals like prospective in-laws going to see the woman in her house and the woman serving them tea as if it was an audition.  A woman may have to "parade" like this many times before she is accepted, he said.

The online system also serves migrants for whom personal meetings might be difficult. "This has made online matchmaking attractive," the priest said.

 

Homepage of Chavara Matrimony a Kerala Christian dating site. The site is very successful but has been criticized for charging expensive fees. (Screengrab from www.chavaramatrimony.com)

 

While the online matchmaking market in India is dominated by business firms, the Carmelites of Mary Immaculate (CMI) founded their own in Kerala. The CMI-managed chavaramatrimony.com focuses on the Kerala Christians who from 18 percent of the state's 33 million people.

The Kerala Christians, who claim their religious tradition from St. Thomas the Apostle, are divided into at least seven different churches and numerous neo-Christian groups. They also include the decedents of those converted by British and Portuguese missioners. As each faction and group prefers people from their own faction and social status, matchmaking can be complicated and so the website helps.

The CMI site boasts 300,000 profiles of young men and women seeking partners. Father Kanananchira said it was started in 2005 with the objective of shaping Christian families in accordance with the teachings of their founder St. Kuriakose Elias Chavara (1805-1871) who believed that "a true Christian family resembles the heavenly abode." 

"We are getting over 2,000 registrations per month," the priest said. Fees depend on the duration. The minimum being three months for a fee of 5,000 rupees (US$75) and the maximum fee for a year is 8,500.

Several Syro-Malabar dioceses have their own matchmaking sites and both oriental rites: Syro-Malankara and Syro-Malabar, manage their own sites.  The market is now crowded as several church institutions and private firms have launched their own versions.

"But not all of them are successful because technology costs money," said Sijo Abraham, a technology consult working in Kochi. "There is a huge cost involved in buying software, server management and staff management," he said.

Besides, it has become a competitive market with hundreds of sites vying against each other and spending huge sums on advertising. "You can see billboards from Chavara Matrimony in every Kerala town. It costs money," Abraham said.

 

Not a cakewalk  

Father Kanananchira said they have other problems like candidates making false claims. Some 15 percent of registrants lie about their age, qualifications and employment, he said. "We have no way to check such claims," he said.

The site's Executive Director Johnson C. Abraham said there were also incidents of married people seeking a fresh alliance without annulling their previous marriage. One person found the man selected for his daughter was already married, he added.

A client of the site, who registered his daughter's profile, said the site could "easily weed out" fake profiles by insisting that people submit a certificate from their parish priest. "It is a Christian site so they can easily do that," he said.

"Unfortunately, the site managers are not ready to adopt any measures to protect the interests of subscribers as it would affect their business," said the client, an ex-bank official, who did not want to be identified. 

The client said he initially thought the church was doing a "service to the faithful but most of them are minting money by charging hefty fees for accessing the site's various features." 

"Registration fees are not cheap and poor families cannot afford it. If the objective of Chavara is to build strong Christian families they should at least introduce an affordable scheme," he said.

Site director Abraham said marriages arranged through websites cannot be considered strong. He estimated at least 25 percent of marriages arranged through Chavara end in divorce adding "we are helpless as it is the responsibility of those making the choice to ensure their partner is compatible," he added. 

Father Kannanchira said rising divorce rates are part of a social phenomenon and the result of factors such as growing individualism, the breakup of the joint family system, declining spiritual values and the rising influence of the social media.

Department of Justice data shows that Kerala has the highest number of pending divorce cases in the country. The number of cases pending up until November 2016 was 52,000. In 2015, the courts settled about 50,000.

The Indian Expressreport that Kerala, which has less than three percent of country's population, has more pending divorce cases than highly-populated states like Uttar Pradesh, West Bengal, Tamil Nadu, Rajasthan, Karnataka, Gujarat, Andhra Pradesh, Telangana and Odisha.

"We have no provision even to provide pre-marriage counseling to the prospective brides and grooms since they are not recognized by the dioceses," the priest said. However, the priest said they had plans to introduce programs to strengthen the institution of marriage. 

However, until Kerala singletons become independent in their search for a partner, websites will continue to fight for their piece of the matchmaking market.

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