SINGAPORE (UCAN) -- Is married life all about love and commitment, in which money matters do not figure? Hardly, Immaculate Heart of Mary (CICM) Father Paul Staes said at a recent Marriage Encounter celebration.

Money disputes are the root cause of nine out of 10 divorces in Singapore, the Belgian priest said, quoting a December report in The Straits Times, a local daily.

Father Staes was one of four speakers who gave concurrent talks at the Church of the Immaculate Heart of Mary and nearby Catholic Archdiocesan Education Centre on May 19 to mark Marriage Encounter's 29th anniversary in Singapore. About 400 people attended the talks.

In his talk, Money Matters in a Christian Marriage, Father Staes stressed that financial considerations, if not given adequate attention, can negatively affect a Christian marriage.

In a recent online poll of Singapore couples' spending habits, 41 percent said personal expenditures were the main source of financial disagreements, he reported.

The priest, former treasurer of the CICM's Chinese Province, which includes Hong Kong, Taiwan, mainland China, Mongolia and Singapore, explained that spousal control over money can lead to power struggles in a marriage.

The person who earns more may use overt or subtle ways to control his or her spouse, such as limiting the household budget or refusing to pay bills incurred by the spouse, he elaborated. "Money can ruin a marriage," he warned.

Father Staes stressed that couples need to agree on how to tackle money matters. This would include merging of finances, debt, expenditures, investments and planning for emergencies. He added that keeping financial secrets from one another could ruin a marriage.

The qualities required for handling such matters are the very qualities needed for a good marriage, he observed, citing a commitment to unity, communication, honesty, accountability and trust.

"The scriptural teaching about money is clear, consistent and radical," the missioner noted. "Money in itself is not the source of problems. Rather it is the 'love of money that is the root of all evils,'" he explained, referring to Saint Paul's first letter to Timothy (6:10).

Father Staes also invited a couple, Joseph and Terri, to share how they raised eight children on the income of just one working parent.

The couple shared that they planned their household budget carefully, decided to forego fast food and dining out, and the children had to make do with fewer new clothes and more of older siblings' hand-me-downs.

In another talk, Couple Love, Contagious Love, Paris Foreign Missions Society Father Michael Arro said the love a couple have for each other is "contagious." It has the power to positively affect their children, other family members and the community, he said.

Father Arro, who has been involved with Marriage Encounter for 28 years, remarked: "Marriage does not break up because of another person. The other person comes in because there is a break, a vacuum in the spousal relationship."

Little Company of Mary Sister Una Boland, a hospice-care practitioner, observed that the "married single" lifestyle, in which married couples live their own separate lives while living in the same home, is increasingly becoming the norm.

In her talk, You, Me and Us, she commented that when "my fulfillment" becomes the motivating force in a relationship, it is time to consider why one entered into marriage in the first place.

Adrian Lim, a Catholic counseling psychologist, spoke about the challenges and responsibilities faced by families in his talk, Couple Parenting with God. The key challenge, he said, is to handle these in a way that fits into God's master plan for the family, where a strong relationship between husband, wife and children prevails.

Participants told UCA News they found the talks useful.

Cyril Lew, who came with his wife, Michelle, said Father Staes' talk reinforced "the things we already know ... and to hear someone highlighting them is affirming."

Serene Jensen, who came with her husband, Bernard, commented: "Sister Una brought up something very essential, the 'married single' life, that really got us thinking about how we are using our time. Sometimes we always focus on work and lose track of what is really important in life."

The worldwide Marriage Encounter movement aims to help married couples deepen love, care and commitment, mainly through weekend live-in sessions designed to enhance spousal dialogue.

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